What am I unwilling to experience

What am I unwilling to experience?




  1. A particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something:
  2. The process or fact of personally observing, encountering, or undergoing something:
  3. The observing, encountering, or undergoing of things generally as they occur in the course of time:
  4. Knowledge or practical wisdom gained from what one has observed, encountered, or undergone:
  5. Philosophy. The totality of the cognitions given by perception; all that is perceived, understood, and remembered.

Verb (used with object) – experienced – experiencing.

  1. To have experience of; meet with; undergo; feel:
  2. To learn by experience.


  1. Experience religion, to undergo a spiritual conversion by which one gains or regains faith in God.


Events that unfold around me are only happenings; they become experiences when I add value to them inside myself. I am careful, the value can be positive or negative.


It is what goes on inside of me; these are the most important things in my life; where my value comes from.


It all starts with what am I unwilling to feel?


What emotions am I trying to hide?


I try to hide them in the shadow realm of the subconscious mind, but they keep returning to conscious thought.


Whatever I try to hide I mentally muddle myself into.



verb (used with object), muddled, muddling.

  1. to mix up in a confused or bungling manner; jumble.
  2. to cause to become mentally confused.
  3. to cause to become confused or stupid with or as if with an intoxicating drink.
  4. to make muddy or turbid, as water.
  5. to mix or stir (a cocktail, chocolate, etc.).
  6. Ceramics. to smooth (clay) by rubbing it on glass.

verb (used without object), muddled, muddling.

  1. to behave, proceed, or think in a confused or aimless fashion or with an air of improvisation:


  1. the state or condition of being muddled, especially a confused mental state.
  2. a confused, disordered, or embarrassing condition; mess.

Verb phrases

  1. muddle through, to achieve a certain degree of success but without much skill, polish, experience, or direction:



I become stuck in an argument of my conscious and subconscious minds — a non-verbal debate with the things I dislike; a struggle that exists solely within my mind.


I become trapped by my very resistance of the things I dislike — I get stuck in the middle of a twisted and tangled mess with the things I dislike.


The truth is my suffering is in my resistance of the things I dislike.


The things I try to hide are the things I need to pay attention to the most. These are the things at the core of my deepest struggles — these are also the very things that will set me free.


When I resist experiencing an emotion and its underlying causes; it only makes it fester, turning it rotten so it eventually infects my soul.


I sit with my emotion and its underlying causes adding a value to make an experience that I can live with. I try to have the courage and willingness to open myself completely to vulnerability. I don’t do this just once; it takes many sessions to create an experience I can truly live with.


Only when I am no longer in conflict with myself I am able to realize true peace and contentment in my life.



“Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say NO. But saying “YES” begins things. Saying “YES” is how things grow. Saying “YES” leads to knowledge. “YES” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “YES.”   ― Stephen Colbert


In an entry from January of 1882 under the heading Sanctus Januarius, Frederich Nietzsche writes:

For the New Year—I still live, I still think; I must still live, for I must still think. Sum, ergo cogito: cogito, ergo sum. To-day everyone takes the liberty of expressing his wish and his favorite thought: well, I also mean to tell what I have wished for myself today, and what thought first crossed my mind this year,—a thought which ought to be the basis, the pledge and the sweetening of all my future life! I want more and more to perceive the necessary characters in things as the beautiful:—I shall thus be one of those who beautify things. Amor fati: let that henceforth be my love! I do not want to wage war with the ugly. I do not want to accuse, I do not want even to accuse the accusers. Looking aside, let that be my sole negation! And all in all, to sum up: I wish to be at any time hereafter only a YEA-SAYER!


Definition of cynic

1 : a faultfinding captious critic; especially : one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest

2 capitalized : an adherent of an ancient Greek school of philosophers who held the view that virtue is the only good and that its essence lies in self-control and independence


The three power words of the English language

YES, NO, and WOW (Wonder of Wonders).



There is a function of YES that I didn’t include in “The three power words of the English language”.


That is the concept of THE FIRST YES.

THE FIRST YES is the agreeing to fully investigate something.

But saying “YES” begins things. Saying “YES” is how things grow. Saying “YES” leads to knowledge. ― Stephen Colbert

THE SECOND YES means I want that in my life.

This is how you fully investigate something (THE FIRST YES):



Young’s Literal Translation

Matthew 5:25-26  `Be agreeing with thy opponent quickly, while thou art in the way with him, that the opponent may not deliver thee to the judge, and the judge may deliver thee to the officer, and to prison thou mayest be cast, verily I say to thee, thou mayest not come forth thence till that thou mayest pay the last farthing.


Agreeing  εὐνόεω  (eunoeō) Greek – From a compound of εὖ and νοῦς; to be well minded, that is, reconcile: – agree.


εὖ (eu) Neuter of a primary word εὖς eus (good); (adverbially) well: – good, well (done).

νοῦς (nous) Probably from the base of γινώσκω; the intellect, that is, mind (divine or human; in thought, feeling, or will); by implication meaning: – mind, understanding.


γινώσκω (ginōskō) A prolonged form of a primary verb; to “know” (absolutely), in a great variety of applications and with many implications (as shown at left, with others not thus clearly expressed): – allow, be aware (of), feel, (have) known (-ledge), perceive, be resolved, can speak, be sure, understand.


Opponent  ἀντίδικος (antidikos) From ἀντί and δίκη; an opponent (in a lawsuit); specifically Satan (as the arch enemy): – ADVERSARY.

ἀντί (anti) A primary particle; opposite, that is, instead or because of (rarely in addition to): – for, in the room of. Often used in composition to denote contrast, requital, substitution, correspondence, etc.

δίκη (dikē) Probably from deiknuō (dike-noo’-o; to show (literally or figuratively); right (as self-evident), that is, justice (the principle, a decision, or its execution): – judgment, punish, vengeance.

This concept of having an ADVERSARY is not only about other people, but also includes attitudes, beliefs, and thoughts inside of us that cause us to take an adversarial position in our life.


involving or characterized by conflict or opposition.

“industry and government had an adversarial relationship”

opposed; hostile.

“the reviewer’s presumed adversarial relationship to his subject”


(of a trial or legal procedure) in which the parties in a dispute have the responsibility for finding and presenting evidence.

“equality between prosecution and defense is essential in an adversarial system of justice”


So, we get a position in our life characterized by conflict or opposition.


What did Jesus say we should do with this adversarial position? Be agreeing (reconcile or settle) with thy opponent (adversary) quickly. Now agreeing does not mean that you just roll over and say “I give up”. It is THE FIRST YES the agreeing to fully investigate something. The end of the process is coming to a settlement with the adversarial position in our life.

This is an acceptance and a willingness to coexist with the adversarial position in our life.




When something does not go as expected or planned; what do you see?


When asked about his search for a successful lightbulb filament: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”   ― Thomas A. Edison

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”   ― Thomas A. Edison

“Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.”   ― Thomas A. Edison

“We often miss opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work”   ― Thomas A. Edison

“Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.”   ― Thomas A. Edison

“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this – you haven’t.”   ― Thomas A. Edison

“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless.”   ― Thomas A. Edison


Nobody ever fails at anything. It is just a perfectionist label the ego uses to hide the truth “I cannot fail.”


The ego loves to keep you in a state of confusion and disarray. It does its best work when it can get you out of the mental state of attention to awareness.


Everything you have ever done has been a success. If the answers the universe gives you do not meet your expectations or plans; that does not mean the answer is wrong. Your perception that the answer is wrong is the problem.


The universe always gives you feedback; if only you give attention to awareness you can hear or see it.


So I ask you again; FEEDBACK OR FAILURE?




Your life is not a series of If___Then___ conditional statements.


If I get a better job – Then I will be happy.

If I get a bigger house – Then I will be happy.

If I find the perfect mate – Then I will be complete.

If I get into good physical shape – Then I will be content with my body.


We expect to find the truth about ourselves; outside of ourselves.

We expect to find happiness; outside of ourselves.


You need to discover unconditional happiness. The state of “I AM ENOUGH!”


You do not need to meet conditions to be happy, complete, or content.


“If you are unable to find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?”  ― Dōgen

“No matter how bad a state of mind you may get into, if you keep strong and hold out, eventually the floating clouds must vanish and the withering wind must cease.”  ― Dōgen

“What you think in your own mind to be good, or what people of the world think is good, is not necessarily good.”  ― Dōgen

“Only those who have the great capacity of genuine trust can enter this realm [the realm of the buddhas]. Those who have no trust are unable to accept it, however much they hear it.”   ― Dōgen, Beyond Thinking: A Guide to Zen Meditation


Go to the link and read the whole article:


An excerpt from the website-
  1. It disrupts our sense of identity.
  2. It challenges our defenses.
  3. It causes us anxiety.
  4. It stirs up guilt.
  5. It forces us to face pain.


How to Pursue Your Own Happiness

It’s a strange twist that the very thing that we most want, or that will be best for us, is often what we are most resistant to. No one else can tell us what will make us happy or what’s most important to us. This is something we all have to determine for ourselves, and once we do, it’s our job to fight for it.


There are 5 good ways to pursue the happiness you desire:

  1. Don’t go it alone. Share your journey, and tell someone else your goals, so that you feel accountable.
  2. Recognize a pattern to your critical inner voices and self-destructive behavior. This will help you to recognize when your inner critic is triggered so you can act against its hurtful directives.
  3. Find active ways to differentiate from negative influences in your past. Try to choose the qualities you want to emulate and reject those you don’t.
  4. Don’t take the mentality of a victim. Nothing, not even your past, can control you if you’re an independent adult, making your own choices.
  5. Recognize that you’re powerful, capable, and that setbacks won’t unravel you.
-An excerpt from the website