My first heartbreak came at 3 months of age lasted from October to March and reoccurred every year until 13 years of age. During that period every year I had severe infantile eczema, interminable itching, and chronic sleep deprivation. I still bear a horseshoe shaped scar on the inside of my left arm, near the armpit, that was caused by a scissors slip when my mother was removing a bandage. The bandages were to keep me from scratching my skin with my fingernails.
Along with this series of heartbreaks I developed a deep-seated fear of being abandoned.
Of course, I’ve had other heartbreaks…
As I grew up I was driven to try and find some answers to the following question.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO BEFORE THE HEARTBREAK COMES TO LESSEN THE SYMPTOMS?
Regarding the sadness of loss and heartbreak, the Buddha said I should always consider that all things I love would one day go away from me.
Loneliness was a contributing factor in my heartbreak.
Loneliness and Your Blood Pressure – Dr. Andrew Weil
I quote- If you’re over 50 – and lonely – you may need to watch your blood pressure. New research from the University of Chicago shows that, over time, a sense of loneliness can raise blood pressure, regardless of other risk factors including body mass index (BMI), smoking, alcohol use, race and income levelà the loneliest people in the study registered blood pressure increases 14.4 millimeters of mercury higher than the blood pressure of the most socially contented participants. The study was published in the March, 2010, issue of Psychology and Aging.
There is ample medical evidence that people who fail to establish meaningful connections have more illness. As a social species, we are not well equipped to live as isolated, separate beings. Health is wholeness, and wholeness implies connectedness – to family, friends, tribe, nation, humanity, the Earth, and whatever higher power you conceive of. -End of quote
My path to making myself better prepared to handle heartbreak has five steps. They are symbolized by the acronym R-I-G-H-T.
(Mat 6:33) But you seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be added to you.
The Greek word translated as righteousness really means, “to make innocent/prove not guilty “.
This distinction is really important, because I can not really love others or myself until I believe I am guiltless, innocent, and holy. Then I need to believe others are also guiltless, innocent, and holy.
One purpose in my life is to see things rightly, not to set things right.
But how do I see things rightly? I accepted the saying ‘seeing is believing’; I had it backwards ‘believing is seeing’. First I built my beliefs, and then I filtered what I saw through them. I have programmed the way I view reality and have allowed others to program the way I view reality. In order to see things rightly I needed to change my paradigm, my way of viewing reality.
This is why I read good books, listen to good talks, discuss my discoveries with other free thinkers, and choose to practice good things that I discover.
I started out life as dependent on my parents. As I grew I learned to become independent. Interdependence is a choice that I can make as an independent person. Interdependence means that I trust in what you can do for me.
Interdependence also means that I don’t take things personally. This is what I call the ‘fishhook’ in relationships. When someone takes an action that includes me I might be tempted to feel or say ‘Now why did they do or say that ‘to me’. The ‘to me’ is the fishhook. I get caught up in what I think the action means to me. I can never understand and help other people until I get past myself.
(Luk 6:38) Give, and it will be given to you; good measure shaken up and running over, they will pour into your robe.* For with the measure that you measure, it will be measured to you.
This is the Law of Compensation; give-get. I learned the order, give first and get second.
(Mat 25:40) The king then will answer and say to them, Truly I tell you, Inasmuch as you have given it to one of these least brethren, you gave it to me.
It isn’t what I’ve heard, read, said, or seen; it is what I’ve GIVEN.
It is the gift out of the fullness of my heart, with no thought of receiving, which is truly divine.
(Pro 4:23) Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it.
To learn to live from my heart, first I had to get rid of fear, sorrow, and anger. Living from my heart is putting love into action, putting love behind my actions.
I went to the traditions of India to look at living from my heart.
- Base or Root Chakra Imbalance FEAR NO BREATH
- Sacral Chakra Imbalance SORROW STRONG INHALATION
- Solar Plexus Chakra Imbalance ANGER STRONG EXHALATION
- Heart Chakra LOVE EQUAL BREATH -THE HEART CHAKRA IS THE LEVEL BETWEEN THE MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL WORLDS.
Imbalance LACK OF COMPASSION and I will fall to the lower chakras.
Whenever I am feeling out of balance I try to remember to check my breathing.
FEAR NO BREATH
SORROW STRONG INHALATION
ANGER STRONG EXHALATION
LOVE EQUAL BREATH
Trust to me is the ultimate recognition and respect of another.
I like the slogan of Hallmark Cards ‘when you care enough to send the very best’.
Trust is caring enough to do for and give to another the very best, what is for their highest good. I try to ask, ‘what is for their highest good?’ when I am planning to take action.